Empathy and Fear Based Control

Those with natural empathy intact, who are fully responsive, whose ability to respond is intact, need no rules, nor do they require any regulation.

Empathy is the ability to discern the CONTENT of the other. It is built on self empathy.

Self empathy is to a large degree developed through the child-mother bonding process, in that it is the environment that the new born grows in that is most crucial to her or his development. Environment means the psychological, emotional, material realities into which the child is born.

In utero, the child is in a fully empathic reality, connected to her or his mother in profound ways. They are as one. The child in utero is sensing not only her own world, but that of the mother as well. The evidence is clear : the child is learning all the time, and that learning corresponds to how their physiology and neurology developes.

Thus the child, after birth has to learn and experience empathy as a separate being, and there are key experiences that are biologically mandated to help the new born to develope self empathy, and empathy for others. Prescott's 1975 Paper Body Pleasure and the Origins of Violence set out some of the parameters for this development, and his work has been corroborated by researchers ever since.

http://www.violence.de/prescott/bulletin/article.html

What science is now finally 'proving' has been a working knowledge for the human species for 6 million years, and is a working biological reality for many mammals. Our bodies know this. Mothers bodies sense this.

http://birthpsychology.com/free-article/introduction-life-birth

If a child is not given those key experiences, if the relationship between mother and child is in any way disrupted at these crucial stages of early life, then the fundamentals of self empathy, and with that empathy for others are missed out on, and what flows from that loss is what we see all around us, on our daily news : the urge to Power, to control others to meet one's perceived needs.

What baby would not be angry at not being met with the experientials our biology has mandated? Think of the child left to cry himself to sleep in another room, to scream and cry until exhaustion brings sleep. Is this not a common practice in our culture? What of the resignation, the suppression of that rage, the loss of self empathy which ensues from that suppression which is the outcome of such a practice?

Empathy is a multi-sensory ability. Thus the mind, the intellect, the 12 senses, insight, intuition, mirror neurons, the heart field and direct experience all work together in the empathic natural human being.

Being responsive means that one observes, takes in the information, absorbs that field of information, processes that information and generates action to deal with the situation.

The natural inclination of all living organisms is to act in ways that nurture the habitat so as to maintain the optimum conditions for life to flourish, for ALL life to flourish.

Thus the action taken is taken within that ‘ethic’. Ethic here is used as an analogy, for it is deeper than ethics, which are a human concept.

It’s important to comprehend that there exists Societal Institutionally induced conditions that create that lack of empathy, repeatedly. It’s also important to note that trauma that is unresolved can also lead to a loss of self empathy on the personal level, and on the societal level.

Lack of empathy leads to a sense of disconnection, which leads to fear (that one's natural needs will not be met) which leads to a desire to control others (to meet one's perceived needs) and it is the imposition of control that leads to violence...... because self organising nature rejects control in favour of co-operation, and this natural 'resistance' is met with violence to maintain control.

An example is the labelling of certain children as 'disruptive', the creation of spurious diagnoses and the utility of drugging those children to maintain control of the classroom. The system undermines the parents/teachers sense of empathy by enforcing certain requirements upon them, which in order to be met, require that they control the children because of fear of the repercussions. It is the fear that drives the controlling behaviour, not love. Even if it is rationalised as love, it is not love. It is not trust. It is fear.

Hunting is not the same dynamic, so don't go there.... as an attempt to suggest that adverse control is all over nature.... natural hunting exists in the context of the metabolising of materials in ways that improve the habitat for ALL Life..... everything eats.

Those who seek to make change in our Society such that we build in or reclaim a nurturant underlying ethic  must have an accurate understanding of HOW SOCIETY CREATES THAT LACK OF EMPATHY, THAT FEAR, THAT DESIRE FOR CONTROL in both the person and the structure of Society.

Metabolising one's own trauma patterns will release one from the trauma cycles. However action is required to extend that further such that the Societal and Institutional trauma patterns are brought to an end.

Without that understanding, those who are engaged in activism, in protest, or in any other activity to bring change WILL be manipulated, their work will be co-opted and neutralised, and the adverse control will persist...

We see the evidence for this in Institutional 'care' systems all over the world. We see this in the 'greenwashing' PR campaigns of various polluting Corporations. The co-opting and neutralising of good ideas, of the urge to co-operate, to devolve power, is ubiquitous in any Hierarchical system of Power, and it's obvious too that being conditioned into such a system internalises that process, and it is addressing the loss of self empathy that is key to undoing those internalisations.

Kindest regards

Corneilius

Do what you love, it's Your Gift to Universe

Speech to Rally Trafalgar Square June 4th 2011

This is the text of a speech I was to deliver at the Rally Against Child Abuse, hosted by Truth and Hope, on June 4th, 2011 @ Trafalgar Square. 

I was also asked to deliver a message to the gathering from Kevin Annett, my friend whose pioneering research unveiled to the world the full horror and extent of the Canadian Indian Residential School System, and forced the Canadian Government and those Christian Churches involved in running that system to finally and grudgingly acknowledge what was done in the name of the Canadian tax-payer,  and of 'civilisation'. His work continues, as does mine, with regard to a full and open accounting for these crimes, and a demand that Society address it's profound lack of empathy and it's resultant adverse behaviour.

There was not time enough to do both. I read Kevin's message, and have published the text of the speech here.....

Child protection is many things.

One of the things it is not and never should be is a set of regulations to be followed willy nilly,  so often 'following orders' whilst ignoring the distress that the enforcement of ill-designed bureaucratic rules results in, because they reduce what ought to be a humane interaction to the ticking of boxes, the filling of forms, the application of formulae, the submission of the human being to an order that is un-natural, and ultimately the rejection of the meaning of the lived experience of children and their parents.

Child Protection must be something far deeper than the dry application of the Law, the provision of a Service, and above all it must be humane, empathic and acutely sensitive to the natural needs of the children, the natural needs of families, of parents and of their communities. 

It takes a village to raise a child. Parents MUST BE SUPPORTED in every way possible.

Child protection, if it is to have any meaning, has to recognise a number of key biological realities.

These realities are felt by most mothers, most fathers and not least, well understood by many Scientists researching the biologically mandated developmental realities concerning the consciousness of babies, in the womb, in infancy and throughout childhood development.

Science and Reality meet in best practice. 

Most parents are doing their best. Under the circumstances.

The Reality is this : The Human Child is expecting to emerge into an empathic and nurturing Society.  The Institutions of our Society are neither in great measure. These are the circumstances that mitigate against natural development.

Our Biology is clear: we observe the presence of mirror neurons, which fire the same neural networks that would be required to make the movements that have been observed, that have been seen, and this tells us yet again, that empathy is very much a multi-sensory ability that is innate, intrinsic and absolutely fundamental to the human being. That is to say, that what we experience is written into our physiology, our neurology. The environment in which we grow is of vital importance, and nature has much to offer in this regard. So much to offer.

Empathy is our most basic nature, not fear. We learn best through love. Self empathy is the basis for empathy with others.

The image of mankind as a potentially rampaging, self destructive mass is a fundamental error. Original Sin and The Fall are fables, malign metaphors, and  they do not describe the biological reality at all.

WE ARE GOOD PEOPLE!

We know that love starts with loving oneself, with self-empathy.

What we also know through experience and through developmental Science, that from within the womb, through birth, infancy and childhood, the development of empathy, as is the case for the development of any other aspect of the child, requires certain biologically mandated experiences that nurture that development.

Being treated with empathy nurtures empathy in the child.

There is a multi-sensory bonding, an experiential process of securing one’s sense of self and this is a learning process, one that is biologically mandated, a process which if disrupted leads to pathology. It cannot be stated any clearer than this:

If Society damages the natural empathic child, then Society will create empathically damaged people, who will potentially repeat the cycle. If those people build Institutions, make rules, effectively codifying their own neuroses into the common lore, they will repeat the cycles.

If ANY Society permits these bonding experientials to be disrupted, then that Society is creating the pathologies that ensue from that disruption.

Where is the empathy and nurturance in our Societal Institutions?

And, as we, the Survivors and the distressed, are all too familiar with, it is those people who are harmed and who suffer, who present the symptoms, which we know as symptoms of distress,  which in truth reveal the presence of Societal pathogens, yet which Society labels as disease, or worse, as dysfunctional behaviour to be judged, who are then scape-goated by this exclusive and judgemental diagnosis. 

If the Society itself is not also diagnosed as part of the problem, and then treated accordingly, and that means a change in the behaviour of Power, of Societal Institutions, then those who suffer the most, and reveal the trauma creation that Society is responsible for, are yet again betrayed.

This omission is the essence of institutional cruelty. Society blames the Survivor. It cannot stand. This is why we are here today.

Institutional Care Protocols, Policies and behaviours cause more harm than good. The proof of this is the re-currant intergenerational trauma patterns, transmitted through each successive generation. The wounds of the fathers and mothers are visited upon the children, because the fathers and mothers are not given the healing support they need and because the judgementalism of Social Services and Organised Religion and adversarial family courts prevails.

Thus the question arises.

Is what we, as a Society, are doing truly Nurturant?

Is what is being done to the Survivors, to parents under stress, by the Institutions of Society truly Nurturant?

How can it be considered Nurturant to NOT support parents whose lives may well be influenced by intergenerational trauma patterns, whose lives may well include incredibly difficult circumstances, such as poverty, sudden bereavement, perhaps even severe trauma, circumstances beyond their control and for whom the ensuing symptoms of these difficulties can make a prison even of what was formerly a home.

The evidence is clear: Institutional Care does not work in the best interests of the children when they remove children from their homes, and when they do not support and assist parents who are stressed and under pressure to the extent that is required and is relatively easy and inexpensive to implement?

The National Coalition for the Reform of Child Protection Services in the USA has helped three states avoid removals of children, by providing the kinds of support that works best for families, for children, their parents and ultimately, for Society. Their work shows some of the possibilities. They have saved State Government many millions of dollars, both on frontline care and in terms of outcomes requiring intervention in later life.

Why is the UK Child Protection System so judgemental, so secretive, so ill informed, so far behind the curve on what really works for children, for parents, for communities and ultimately for Society?

Why does UK official policy mis-interpret the truth that whilst neglect and abuse occur, that their presence has more to do with the kind of Society into which people are born and to which they are forced to conform to, than it does the kinds of people who  are born, who grow up in and become parents in a Society that does not support natural empathic parenting. That lack of adequate support fro nurturant parenting eats away at the very heart of what it is to be human, to be a child of life.

Economics, with which most officials are obsessed, is not the measure of a good life.

Why are those influences, that affect so many peoples lives so adversely, left out of the diagnoses of ‘at risk parents’ when it is OBVIOUS that these influences are very much part of the causality and indicate the societal pathology which these parents reveal as they present these symptoms?

Who benefits from this persistent refusal to admit a holistic diagnosis?

Is that refusal not irrational, or even insane, in and of itself?

Do we not meet this irrationality in our lives, every day?

Are we not the living witnesses to this cruelty, we who have suffered as children and continue to suffer as adults the adverse affects of this Institutionalised, legalised, codified lack of empathy, through no personal weakness within ourselves?

Are we not correct to demand that justice be fully served where real harm and loss has  occurred, and are we not also to make of our efforts a call, a cry from the heart, to place empathy at the very core of how our Society relates to all children?

Who will join this call?

We ask : Will you join this work?

The Congregation of The Faith's 'guidelines' are a criminal failure.

This is an open letter. sent to media, politicians, activists in the UK , Ireland, Australia, USA, Canada and elsewhere.

Concerning the latest set of 'guidelines' issued by the Congregation of The Faith in Rome, to all Bishops worldwide....

http://www.independent.ie/national-news/victims-furious-over-new-vatican-abuse-guidelines-2648496.html

to the Editor...

and to all concerned citizens, irrespective of your beliefs.

When an Institution, that has been shown to have failed miserably to meet the legal and moral duties of care to those who have been, for whatever reason, placed in it's care,  which does not, above all else, place the needs of those people who as children were abused, traumatised, physically and psychologically harmed by officials of that Institution, in such manner that adversely affects the Survivors entire life times in the aftermath, and which do not and can not be deemed as adequate with regard to the prevention of further abuses, and after so many years of heart breaking requests by Survivors for honesty,  accountability,  empathy and justice, offers 'guidelines' such as the latest set issued by the Congregation of The Faith, that are not directly informed by the needs of those they have failed, then it becomes clear that the adverse nature of this Institution, as it stands, is a serious threat to the common well being of all those communities it is connected to and ministers to.

Be it State or Church, the same applies.

It is now time for the Irish State to act, as a humane and just Institution, to take the Vatican, the Irish Churches and The Pope, to the International Criminal Courts as part of it's own Institutional healing process, to face charges of Crimes Against Humanity. 

It can do this, and admit it's own past failures, as a measure of it's courage, empathy, honesty and commitment to the well being of all citizens of the Irish State.

What is also important to note is that this applies not only to Ireland, but to many States across the World, that this is a global issue.

The first step in true reconciliation is the admission of wrongs done, acknowledgement of harms caused, full transparency and a realistic commitment to end all such practices that enabled the abuse and harm to occur.

Not so much to punish, but bring about a full accounting, to bring to an end these repugnant machinations of denial, obstruction, intimidation and power play which have typified the response to Survivors from the very first days, so many years ago, that Survivors brought their testimony before the community.

That is not to say that those who have committed serious crimes should not face the legal consequences of their actions. They must. Children have to be protected. Society has to know that our children are safe.

And, importantly, it is long past time to bring about such fundamental changes within the State and the Church as Institutions, that they might become less about Power over people, than about the well being of those people who subscribe to and fund these Institutions.

In essence this is about ensuring that the full meaning and intent of the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child be fully and materially implemented without reservation.

This is the call of our times. This is the message of all great sages and spiritual teachers. This is what the future of all our children requires. This and nothing less.

Yours sincerely

Corneilius Crowley

Corneilius

Do what you love, it's Your Gift to Universe

Mrs. Dorries, MP, Sex Abuse and Teen Pregnancies - Gaslighting the Victimised

Gaslighting the victimised is the Conservative fall back position.

Ms Dorries, is a Conservative MP, who has close ties with Christian Concern For Our Nation, a highly conservative group that campaigns (among other things) for 'Christian family values'. Her efforts are also supported by the Christian Legal Centre and the Christian Medical Fellowship. She misrepresents facts to claim that current sex education is not working. 

She has a Bill in the House she is trying to push forwards.

https://www.secularism.org.uk/news/2011/12/nadine-dorries-abstinence-for-girls-bill-what-you-can-do

Ms. Dorries has often made seriously inaccurate comments about  sex abuse. She claims that teaching abstinence to girls will reduce child sexual abuse – which has outraged abuse survivors' groups.

This week, however, Dorries has gone one step further. Appearing as a guest on Channel 5's The Vanessa Show on Monday, host Vanessa Feltz suggested that teaching children they can 'say no' already happens and that it already happens in an appropriate and sensitive way. The MP replied:

"Well do you know that’s really interesting because...if a stronger just say no message was given to children in school that there might be an impact on sex abuse."

Not content with putting the onus completely on girls to take responsibility for sexual activity of others who might be more powerful that the child is in the situation, she now appears to be saying they should also be taking responsibility to prevent being abused.

http://ontoberlin.blogspot.com/2011/05/nadine-dorries-abstinence-and-abuse.html

A courageous Survivor wrote about some repugnant comments made by a Tory MP, Nadine Dorries, about child sex abuse, whilst promoting her particular 'Abstinence' campaign, on TV, a campaign designed to reduce teen pregnancies (part of her stated concern is the impact teen pregnancies have on girls in terms of education, job and life prospects) and old Conservative trope.

She comprehensively rebutts Mrs, Dorries comments about children saying "No!" to adult sex abusers.

"To say I am insulted that someone would insinuate that I caused my own abuse is an understatement. But this isn’t just about me, this is about everyone who isn’t able to live with the memory of what happened to them. It’s about children who even now are being abused and being blamed for their abuse: by their parents, by their abusers, by Nadine Dorries."".

The show, The Vanessa Show on Channel 5, can be viewed here, Mrs. Dorries speaks at about 19 minutes into the show. Hopefully it will be youtubed for posterity by some enterprising youtube-er.

The blogger, Vanessa, invited her respondents to write to Mrs. Dorries. So I did.

The Letter : copied to her party leader..

Mrs. Dorries,

I watched the Vanessa Show in which you spoke eloquently about your ideas concerning sex education, and teenage pregnancy. Your concern comes across.

However, I think you have not done the depth of research in this matter, that your position as a Public Servant, paid for by the taxpayers, demands.

Eloquence is not enough when it comes to the welfare and safety of children.

You have a duty of care, Mrs. Dorries, that is both legally mandated and morally implicit.

That duty of care is to the welfare of all those affected by the work you do.

Thus it includes all living Survivors of childhood sexual abuse, it includes all those children who are today being abused, and all those who will be abused in the future, because the policies you promote will affect many, many people, and because you made some comments about sexual abuse that I must address.

That duty of care demands that you transcend your 'opinions' and deal explicitly with the facts, the material evidence.

Those who have Survived sexual assaults in their childhoods form a very large part of that dataset. Have you spoken to Survivors on this matter? Are those conversations a matter of record?

Regarding your comments which I have transcribed from the program which were as follows :

"from some of the evidence I have heard, that if a stronger 'just say no' message was given to children in school, that there might be an impact on sex abuse, because a lot of girls, when sex abuse takes place, don't realise, until later that that was a wrong thing to do ... because" .. and you continue to speak of sex being so common in Society, in marketing etc etc and do not return to this matter of 'saying no will impact sex abuse', you do nor return to the moment the child in jeopardy is in, and you talk instead of the over-sexualisation of our children, as a societal phenomenon and of how that is linked to teenage pregnancy, a point that is unproven.

I note that you made a number of comments throughout the piece that it is the girls whose futures are most impacted by falling pregnant. That suggests that teenage pregnancy is key to your position. Your primary concern. No the abuse itself.

You have used 'sex abuse' as a means to an end. To bolster your particular campaign.

That is disingenuous and it is also manipulative. How dare you behave in such fashion?

What evidence to you have to support your contention?

How do you link your campaign, which is ostensibly about telling young girls that they should say NO, as part of their conscious abstinence practice, (which I partly support : sexual activity must to be consensual, well informed, safe and fun for all concerned, and that includes saying no...) to these comments?

As a child, age 8, I was sexually assaulted. By a priest. I didn't understand what was happening, so I could not say 'no'. It was simply put just weird behaviour I did not understand, yet the abuser was in a such position of Authority in relation to me, the child that I acquiesced. He had all the power. ALL abusers do. They are adept at manipulating the situation. Check the facts. Ask Survivors.

Many Survivors have in fact said 'no!', and that has then been ignored by their abuser. This is common. Abusers do not give up easily. Some children say no and are intimidated, manipulated and even beaten by their abusers. There's this question of Authority again.

How does a child, or a young teen say 'no!' and back it up, to an advancing abuser when  all the real Power in the situation lies with the ADULT abuser?  When all their young lives they are taught to respond to Authority with obedience?

The other panellist mentioned the fact that many parents are embarrassed to speak of sexuality to their children, and that her organisation has programs to help parents get over that embarrassment, so that flows of communication between children and parents are more open?

What are you doing to address this really important communication gap, one which abusers are known to exploit?

And what then of children in 'care', in fostering, who might not have the kind of trusting relationship that nurturant parenting ought foster, where the child has no-one to turn to, where we know that sexual abuse is relatively common?

Mrs Dorries, I have to say that 'might have an impact' is far too vague a term to use, for someone in your position, with the responsibility you have, of a duty of care to those whom you serve.

Perhaps you don't see it that way. Perhaps it is others you serve, (ideology) or your own opinions you serve. Only you can answer that. But I tell you this, your comments do not serve Survivors or children who are in jeopardy today, tomorrow and in in the future.

You see, Mrs. Dorries, the roots of abusive behaviour are known, they are well described, and documented.. The dynamics of abuse have been studied for some time, the witness of many Survivors is a part of that dataset.

At the root is a lack of empathy. At the root are a range of situations and societal expressions of power, where societal messages that lack empathy are transmitted by thought and by deed, where the power disparity that exists between a child and an adult is abused by the adult, to meet the adults perceived needs, where the child's natural nurturant needs are not met. Part of that lack of empathy you have ably demonstrated in the comments you have made, quoted above.

Of course I do not hold you responsible for the abuse that others do. Nor do I seek to link you to it in any way.

If you are serious about preventing abuse, (which is another matter altogether than the one you are so exercised about, that of teenage pregnancy) then you must study this material.

You must dig deep, Mrs. Dorries, and you must, above all, speak to Survivors...

Here's some research that would be a good place to start. I offer this to you with respect and with the hope that you reflect on my comments.

http://www.alice-miller.com/ - Eminent Psychologist whose work or intergenerational abuse cycles across whole Societies, has helped many, many people recover from their trauma, has helped people break the cycles of abuse and prevented further abuse from occurring.

http://www.birthpsychology.com/ - the latest findings in Science, on the natural development of children from in utero, through birth, infancy and childhood, which describes in great detail, the natural expectations that all children embody, that are intrinsic, inherent and that if not met, lead to pathology.

http://www.violence.de/prescott/bulletin/article.html - Body Pleasure and The Origins of Violence

If you don't, then I, as a Survivor, must assume that you are more concerned with imposing your personal opinion and world view, through the power invested in you as an MP, than you are with the material evidence, the facts of the matter, and that is, in my view, utterly immoral, profoundly repugnant and I am sure that it absolutely disqualifies you from office.

I look forwards to hearing from you at your earliest convenience.

I will copy this email to your party leader, and publish it on my own outlets.

Yours Sincerely... etc

Kindest regards

Corneilius

Do what you love, it's Your Gift to Universe

Letter to Media : The 'Troubled' Church

To the Editor,

Regarding an editorial in the Irish Independent, dated May 12th, entitled "A New Day of Shame for Troubled Church" your opening line was as follows: "FEW institutions have taken as severe a battering as the Catholic Church"

I would like to point out that the 'battering' the Church has taken is nothing compared to the harms, assaults, batterings, humiliations that so many children have suffered for such along time.

Let it be that that is NEVER forgotten or minimised in any way, wittingly or unwittingly.

The willingness, of The Church as an Institution, and of it's officials, even still, to mask and deny, to obstruct and suppress the truth says it clearly.

The recent audit of their Child Protection process which revealed that over 290 cases were obscured from view reiterates what I am saying.

If the ethics of Jesus were at all alive in The Church, (and elsewhere) there'd be whistle blowers aplenty, bringing forth evidence so that the accounting was well under way, and Survivors would find comfort and succour in that the necessary steps towards Restorative Justice were being taken.

Kindest Regards

Corneilius Crowley

This letter is in response to an editorial in The Irish Independent, dated May 12th, entitled "A new day of shame for troubled church"

http://www.independent.ie/opinion/editorial/a-new-day-of-shame-for-troubled-church-2644552.html

Kindest regards

Corneilius

Do what you love, it's Your Gift to Universe

Irish Childline reports 2,300 contacts per day

Irish Child Line, a charity that receives calls from distressed children, released it's figures for 2010, and quotes an average of 2,300 calls or messages per day, from children all over Ireland.

This was reported in Irish Media. It's meaning, however, has not been addressed as of yet.

I wrote the following letter to Irish Media to suggest that it must be addressed.

-----------

To The Editor,

The release of the child-line figures demonstrates, once again, that there are endemic, long term problems within Irish Society which reveal an almost cultural lack of empathy, for children, for the vulnerable, and for the distressed.

The manner in which successive Irish Governments have indemnified both itself, as The State, and the Church, with regard to the horrific abuses perpetrated within State and Church Institutions, and outside, demonstrates that lack of empathy.

The North Cork Ten case and the DPP's unwillingness to prosecute demonstrates that lack of empathy. Happily, the campaign by 'ordinary Irish Citizens' to demand that the DPP prosecute demonstrates that there are some people in Ireland whose empathy is intact.

The Christy Smith case demonstrates yet again a systemic lack of empathy in many State Institutions.

Rachel Peavoy's death, earlier this year, and the inquest into her death, and it's 'findings', reveals this systemic, institutional lack of empathy.

The 'rape' jokes by 4 Corrib Bay Shell Gardai last month, and the mistreatment of the people of Corrib Bay that has continued for so many years, reveals that lack of empathy.

The willingness of the Irish Government to force the Irish People to pay the Debts of the Gambling Bankers shows that lack of empathy.

There are people all over Ireland who will tell you, were you to give them an ear, that the beatings and humiliation they experienced in school did not, and does not strengthen their character.

And there are those who will tell you, that yes, 'it made a man of me', there are people in positions of Power who will say that their school experience of 40 years ago was character forming, and who will find it difficult to empathise with those whose experience was traumatic.

Only when honesty and empathy prevails in all institutions of Power, and thus flows forth throughout Irish Society, and is met by the same at the grass roots, will the Irish People be in a position to provide for their children a future that is decent, abundant, balanced and above all psychologically healthy.

It's a worthy cause, indeed it's the only worthy cause.

Kindest regards

Corneilius Crowley

London

The facts are that the vast majority of abused children never tall anyone, and it is often only in adult life that they reveal what they have been through, after years of trying to just live day by day, tormented by the trauma, the shame, the self-blame .... often it is only when things have broken down to such an extent that the adult Survivor seeks 'professional help' which leads to their disclosure.

What makes it more difficult,if it wasn't already intensely difficult, for Survivors is this sense of isolation, of failure, of being judged by others,that comes from not 'performing' according to Societies messages - jobs, money, goods etc etc.....

There's also the fact that Childline says that 1/3rd of the calls went unanswered. We need more data on this. Childline should provide that data to those who can properly analyse it.

The figures will not go down until there is 100% honesty, and with that empathy, for survivors and also an understanding of the dynamics of intergenerational trauma patterning amongst the general population. This is what I am working for.

My first concern is always with the survivors, and that requires that the general population gain more understanding of the dynamics of abuse, of survival, so that the understand when Survivors 'present' symptoms that they must not judge the survivor..... when that is in place, and is deepening with Society at large, then we can deal with the full implications for those Institutions and for those who abuse children, whatever the manner or form that abuse takes.

I fear that too much attention is focussed on the institutions, be it to confront them or to protect them, and that the first duty is to make safe those who have been harmed.... I also feel strongly that there are some 'activists' whose work on the face of it appears to support Survivors, yet in reality fails to address the points I have made above, and if anything polarises the issue, driving people away from a deeper comprehension.

This worries me muchly. That is not to say that the confrontation must not proceed, but that it needs to be fully complemented by that which makes safe the survivors. It is not OK to me, at least, that Survivors are suffering whilst the arguments rage back and forth. Some will die, often by their own hand, out of sheer frustration and desperation ....

And many more will continue to live fragmented, broken, pain filled lives and this grieves me deeply.

I am in my self reasonably happy, and can to a certain degree, bear this grief, I refuse to shut myself off from it. It's there, it's real and it informs my work as much as my anger and my love....

Do what you love, it's Your Gift to Universe

DIRT : The Movie. A Nurturant Society...

Previously I have written a piece on the Nurturant Society, and coined the word THRIVIVAL. I have used this word in a few essays to describe a reality that I see in nature all the time. I have used it to make a distinction between the sense of 'survival' which is less than abundant, is fear based and generates unnecessary need to over control things that actually reduces the likelihood of Thriving.

A Nurturant Society is the emergent Society that by it's action nurtures life for all life, that by it's action takes an equal part in the biology of life, that by it's action enjoys the life it expresses and returns the gifts that life has bestowed upon it. Thrivival is the state of such a Society.

The movie DIRT is a stunning documentary, a profoundly nurturing expression of what is truly possible, what is within our ability to bring into being. It's about the living soil and our relationship to that living soil. It's not an ideological movie. It's a natural logic movie.

Watch it. It's amazing. See the effect working with plants and soil has on incarcerated people. See the rapidity with which soil and humans can remediate damaged lands.

DIRT : THE MOVIE

Get yer hands in the soil and help plants do what they love doing, gifting you and universe in the process.

We REALLY NEED to focus on the creation of a Nurturant Society, at every level of our Culture, starting with our own lives, and extending outwards into our communities, and we need to look at EVERY process and activity we are engaged in and really understand that if it is NOT Nurturing more life for all life, then it HAS TO GO!

It really is THAT SIMPLE. We are either nurturing life or we are not. And when we look at what we do, we have to take into consideration ALL the outcomes..... no 'externalisation' of costs. No justifying adverse 'collateral' damage because of one or two perceived benefits.

And we need to start NOW!

ALL LIFE MATTERS. There exists a viewpoint that is an expression of resignation, extreme low self esteem and profound selfishness.

It runs a bit like this :

"Nothing really matters, at the end of the day. We all live for a bit, have a few good times then die."

When we die, the materials our bodies are made of are released back to feed more life.

We give back what we have been given as a gift to those who have yet to come. We do this, and we gift life. That is the bare minimum.

It's a choice as to whether or not we take action in our day to day life to bring that gift or not, before we die and release the materials of our bodies.

Your materials will be released whether or not you like it or get it. That much is assured. Death assures us all of that.

What is not assured, and what is down to OUR CHOICE, is whether or not our actions nurture more life for all life and return the gift. It's your choice, it's my choice and yet I ask that each of us bears in mind that our choice has an affect on others, and if you chose not to, if I chose not to, then we deprive others yet to come of their access to that gift, by defaulting on the action possible in our lives.

I am not trying to lay a guilt trip on you. The Dominant Society is a pretty grim place to have been born into, and I wouldn't say to anyone DO NOT ENJOY BEING ALIVE.

I am just pointing out the REALITY. And the possibility.

When I confront the Church, the Government, the Corporations I do it to bring that gift through, and not to get revenge or to become the judge and punisher. That's not saying that I intend to let those Institutions of the hook, or that I give them an excuse or that I am going to be all soft and fluffy. It's to make it abundantly clear where I stand and what I intend. I will not back down, and neither should you!

Kindest regards

Corneilius

Do what you love, it's Your Gift to Universe

Easter Eggs are not enough!

The expectations of every child

 

The expectations of every child
To be held in love, all the time
To know safety with every touch
These are the ways we need, it's not so much...

These are the gifts,that life on earth is meant to bring

The expectations of every child,
Acceptance, gentle guidance with a smile,
Honest answers to their questions of life,
Space to grow, fully assured and bright.

The expectations of every child,
To find a safe place to learn in good time
So that the child knows and trusts the heart
Then grows the child in confidence, that is the art..

The expectation of every child,
To know the family, to feel the line
Of ancient stories, and harmonies
The child is born to know that she is free.

The expectation of every child,
To be respected all the time,
To be chosen with the highest love,
So honour the child you hold, that will be enough.....

These are the gifts that life on earth is meant to bring
Do you bring the gifts? Do we bring the gifts?

-

Here's the video

You can download this song for free (all my recordings are open source, creative commons licensed) from my Reverbnation Music Page....

I wrote this song about 21 years ago, and it is the basis of all my work since that time. It was inspired by John Holt, Alice Miller, Carl Rogers and by my daughter and her mother, and by Nurturant Mothering in and of itself. 

It arose out of my own adverse childhood experience and the realisation, late in life, that that experience was entirely avoidable, and is one that I and many others have suffered needlessly. 

It also is true to say that the future of 'Civilised Humanity' lies in the extent to which we, as indivduals and as a society, are willing to act and behave and respond with Empathy towarda our children, towards all children, and with that, a degree of self-empathy, a willingness to honestly  reflect on the realities of our own childhoods is a necessary, though perhaps uncomfortable discipline.

I urge all who read my work to spread this insight. There is much work to be done, and we can have a lot fo fun doing it!

Kindest regards

Corneilius

Do what you love, it's Your Gift to Universe

Cardinal Sean Brady, Father Brendan Smyth and the Royal Wedding!

To the Editor,

Cardinal Sean Brady, the Irish Primate, has been officially invited to attend the wedding of Prince William Windsor and Kate Midleton as an honoured geust.

Cardinal Sean Brady was one of three priests who failed to report incidents of brutal sex abuse on children, by Fr Brendan Smyth, to Civil Authorities.

The victims, young catholic boys in their teens at the time of the signing, met with the then Fr Brady in 1975, and were manipulated into signing an oath of silence, on pain of excommunication.

Brendan Smyth went on to assault and harm many, many more children. His abuse was permitted by the Church for 40 years.

He could have been stopped; instead, he was protected by the Church Hierarchy. Brady was following orders.

It's accepted that that was not the only time that Cardinal Brady engaged in such action. The Murphy report said as much.

Brady claimed he was 'too ill' to attend the Murphy Inquiry for questioning. How convenient! How crass! How cruel!

There will be vociferous, angry and necessary protests, by the many Irish Survivors living in Britain, if this invitation is not revoked.

If he does attend, then he must be arrested for crimes against humanity and extradited to The Hague, to appear before the International Criminal Court.

This invitation of this criminal and unrepentant cleric, who has committed crimes against humanity, by his direct involvement in the cover-up of many cases of pedophilia and brutality, in the protection of criminal pedophiles, over many decades, besmirches the Royal Wedding, wounds survivors and sends a clear message that his behaviour is acceptable to the British Monarchy, and the British Establishment.

Sincerley

Corneilius Crowley (A Survivor)
London


Sent today to all British and Irish Mainstream Newspapers

Do what you love, it's Your Gift to Universe

A Nurturant Society

A Nurturant Society

In considering the fundamentals of a Nurturant Society, one has to define the ground upon which one stands.

If that is not taken in hand, and clearly defined, then it is inevitable that the ‘revolution’, as many are calling it, by positing an ‘alternative way’ to the status quo or by adopting a position of resistance to that status quo, is to a greater extent defined within the frame of reference of the status quo. It is a response to something : that something defines the response. It is a reaction.

Thus it was with Marx, and with many others. They did not see the trap they laid for themselves by talking in terms of production, ownership, and control, which are the terms and structural processes that the oppressive Society uses to exert it's power over people and the habitat. Transferring those to the workers does not change the nature of the Society as radically as people believed, it still permits the current dominant systemic mindset of control of nature as a resource to exploit. Thus the fundamental dynamic and psyche of Power remains, with a merely a change in the Actors and their behaviour towards each other within that set of structural processes. Kinder to one another,  yet damaging to the environment, the shared habitat.

And of course, it has to be said, Marx was a man of his times, and lacked the data we have today about neuroscience, endocrinology, psychological and evolutionary development and the reality of natural empathy. A lack accurate information can lead to the invention of theory out of rudimentary thinking that is without the appropriate evidence. Marx was rightly concerned with human suffering that he knew could be avoided. 

The Nurturant Society avoids that predicament by defining itself on it’s own clear terms.

The Nurturant Society is a fundamentally simple concept.

To Nurture, as a biological process, and as in human action, is to improve the conditions of the habitat or the environment within which life occurs. This process can be observed by anyone who is careful and honest in their explorations of nature. Henry David Thoreau made this abundantly clear in his work during the 1800s, as did Rudloph Steiner (Biodynamics) and Bill Mollison (Permaculture). These three are sequential in that their lives began as one ended and they form one example of continuous thread of exploration of nature that is free of the lens of what I call Empire Logic, the 'struggle for survival' etc etc. All these people and others who were and  their contemporaries looked beyond the Herbert Spenser doctrine of struggle for survival, of civilisation as the apex of natural biological evolution.

To Nurture is to provide both space and materials for life to flourish.

To Parent? Perhaps. However, the word Parent is itself troublesome, for it contains meanings that are to do with control. Control always inhibits emergence. Parental Control implies a mistrust of the child. Control is often a question of fear.

The etymology of Parent.

Pare

"to trim by cutting close," early 14c., from O.Fr. parer "arrange, prepare, trim," from L. parare "make ready," related to parere "produce, bring forth, give birth to,"

Thus Parenting has to be redefined or qualified. Natural Parenting or Nurturant Parenting better describes this new paradigm.

Nurturant Parenting then, is fundamentally about facilitating the emergent, about recognising the innate desire and ability of the natural child to learn, to master his or her self, to develop life skills, to be able to meet his or her own needs, and with that the needs of others, as an empathically alive human being, in essence to contribute to his or her family, community, society environment such that all may thrive.

All of which is diametrically opposed to the concept and awareness of the consumer, whose concern lies solely with consumption.*

And, because human life does not occur in a vacuum, but rather takes place in a continuum, in a non-linear web of activity that is typified by connection and interdependency, it follows that when life is nurtured, it is nurtured for all life.

Thus Natural Parenting is an activity that is not exclusive to the biological parents, but includes the entire community. "It takes a village to raise a child." And a forest. No community exists independent of the habitat.

Everything is food. There is no waste.

This can only be achieved by each element with the biological process web being it’s true self, having it’s own needs met. It is therefore a question of meeting inherent needs. Nature is a web of intersecting needs being met. Algae make oxygen. Bacteria eat all kinds of materials and transform them into their bodies, which are eaten. They also produced 'waste' which is not waste, but is in reality food. Plants take in Carbon Dioxide and release Oxygen. Bacteria in the plants take in Zinc, and other trace elements and create new chemicals the plants need. Animals breathe oxygen and eat plants. And so it goes.

This - being one's true self - is not a limitation, because in all living organisms we see the same responsive ability, the ability to learn, which has been called ‘adaptation’,  that is foundational to the maintenance of the dynamic equilibrium of the processes of life. That responsive ability is biological empathy in action.

THRIVIVAL

What we see in Nurturant Biology is an outcome that can best be described by the new word, Thrivival.

Thrivival goes beyond survival**.

Thriving, in relation to the human being, is that positive sense of well being that is inherent in the process of growth. Thriving, for the human being and for all mammals, originates in utero, and extends throughout life. Thriving applies to the individual, the family, the community, the society and to the environment from which all emerge.

Because this is a simple paradigm, and because it is an empathic paradigm, it will find expression in diverse ways, mirroring the diversity of the environment, the habitat, from micro to macro, leading to diversity in human expression of community and society.

The Nurturant Society is complex, and yet it is not at all complicated. This is the nature of nurturant empathy. The precise solutions emerge out of the experiential of each community.

*The consumer eats and does not seek to nurture anyone other than him or herself; for his or her eating is the penultimate act in the receipt of a service that the consumer has paid for, and having paid for it, the consumer does not trouble him or herself with the conditions within which the food was produced, or what happens to the by-products, but merely the presence of the food on the plate, it's appearance and taste, and other similar immediate considerations and the of course the price he or she has paid for the meal to be consumed. Quite often the consumer has no concept of what it takes to produce that end product on the plate. This because the human being, the citizen consumer, unlike every other living organism, is cut off from the source and the processes that create the food. Likewise the consumer is not concerned with what happens to that which is not eaten. It is considered waste, not food.

The 'consumer' is a dehumanising term which reduces each unique human being to an object to be crafted and then manipulated for profit. And for Power.

**Survival carries with it the sense of threat, the sense of scarcity. Whilst there exists the possibility of being eaten, for each individual, that does not in and of itself threaten any entire species, and what we see is that no predator nor herbivore will consume the entirety of that species which it eats.

Both prey and predator thrive in the natural state. The are interdependent, mutually nurturant. The struggle for survival is in fact a projection of the dynamic of fear that the Hierarchical, non-empathic Society feels, generates and promotes.

This is due to a fundamental undermining of natural empathy, which leads to disconnection, and with that insecurity arises, and the need to control follows and it is from this that violence flows.

Kindest regards

Corneilius

Do what you love, it's Your Gift to Universe

Belgian Bishop claims abuse was 'a little game'

In an interview that aired Thursday last, Roger Vangheluwe, the former bishop of Bruges, spoke of his sexual abuse as "a little game," that involved fondling, but no "rough sex."

Huffington post and others reported on this.

These are my comments on the article, the dynamics of the sociopathic ex-Bishop and the current Belgian Bishop of  Tournai's comments to the press, and the dynmaics of Sociopathy in general.

Guaranteed, the former Bishop is lying. Attempting mitigation. He is also revelling in the attention. What it reveals is the sinister intent to manipulate, a sociopathic trait that makes people like him extremely dangerous. Indeed the world of celebrity politics is a world of sociopathy, charm, charisma, bluster, image.

However the comments made by the Bishop of Tournai reveal more of the Institutional Sociopathy of the Catholic Church.

Quote from the Huffington Post article : Guy Harpigny, the bishop of Tournai, said that, at a time when the church is reaching out to abuse victims, "along comes a former bishop who says it was only little games. This man is either sick, or it is a normal reaction from a pedophile." - 

This is another example of the sociopath at work. 

The Church is NOT reaching out to survivors and has in fact been engaged in a long term full scale offensive AGAINST survivors for many, many years, and has shown no signs of relenting. 

Pedohiles are not sick, they ARE nasty. Their actions are 100% Volitional. There is no reliable scientific evidence that supports they claim often made of the existance of some primary, uncontrollable urge.

Whilst it is important to understand the dynamics of abuse in that abuse is perpetuated through the generations by the denial of perpetrators, and by the lack of resolution of childhood trauma that is generalised throughout society, that dynamic is largely the result of the way in which Power is transmitted through Society, as Alice Miller and others such as David Smail, Carl Rogers, R D Laing and Noam Chomsky have pointed out, and it cannot ever be used in any way to mitigate the volitional reality of those actions that cause so much harm.

Thus the hint at 'sickness' is a deflection. An attempt to avoid responsibility. And as such, all attempts at avopiding responsibility for one's actions are immature, narccisstic and thus extremely dangerous.

It is how pedophiles react. It is how Tony Blair reacts to accusations that he is a murderer. It is how sociopaths react to being uncovered. I know this because, it is how I reacted, when as a parent I bullied my own children, slapped them, coerced them. And I had to face the full reality of my behaviour as being 100% volitional in order to deal with it. And deal with it I did.

Guy Harpigny's comments are designed to distance the Church from the comments made by Roger Vangheluwe, and to deflect attention from the Institutional Sociopathy which is well understood, well researched and absolutely at the core of this issue. Sociopaths will of course turn on each other of they cannot close ranks.

There are also degrees of Sociopathy.  The recent story of Irish Gardai joking about rape, and the actions of Dublin County Council Officials and others with regard to the avoidable and tragic death of Rachel Peavoy, and their behaviour and evidence given at the Coroners Inquest, are part of the generalised Sociopathy that Power Institutions and those who inhabit them rveal, time and time again. Likewise the refusal of the Irish DPP to prosecute a Priest who was accused by ten women in North Cork of serious sexual assault, which was only moved on after public pressure by a number of campaigners who made the matter public, and took it to the streets, in spite of legalistic threats by the DPP intended to deflect their efforts..

The willingness to avoid responsibility, to mitigate the adverse affects of their behaviours, to use manipulative mechanisms to deflect accountability ar all part of the Sociopathic mind-set.

This is something we all have to get to grips with.

And this report into Indigenous Residential/Boarding Schools systems looks how these systems were replicated all over the world, in many, many countries, for a long, long time.  The patterns of abuse of children show that there was awareness and a consistent policy of denil and cover-up, over such a long time, that suggest the abuse was intentional, was allowed as a process of destroying cultres by destroying their children. 

What is important to note is that these systems have not all been closed down, and where they have, we see a consistent pattern of increased Social Services 'interventions' targetting those populations that had previously been the targets of the Residential School Systems, with children being removed from their families and placed in care, into fostering or adoption programs, which turn out to be equally traumatic. This practice has been given a name. Psychopsema [psy•cho-pse-ma]


It's a clearly documented worldwide pattern : this is something we all have to get to grips with.

Kindest regards

Corneilius

Do what you love, it's Your Gift to Universe

On Anger, Reform and Diarmuid Martin in Ireland

Here's an article by John Allen, a reporter for the National Catholic Reporter, who met with Survivors outside the recent  Conference in Ireland, a the Jesuit Milltown Institute titled “Broken Faith: Revisioning the Church in Ireland. He listened attentively to what the survivors had to say, and was well informed, and cogniscant of much of the story. You can view that meeting here .

I read the article and the very first sentence drew the following response from me........

‎

"Although the sexual abuse crisis has been devastating for the Catholic church everywhere it’s erupted, the meltdown in Ireland is fairly unique in scope and scale"

1. 'devastating for the church' : hmmmm compare that to the effects of the brutality and sexual abuse perpetrated upon those who Survived, and worse, on thos who did not Survive, whose pain was such that they committed suicide. And remember, that the Living Survivors are but the tip of the iceberg. There are many, many generations of dead who never spoke of their suffering, primarily because there was no one to hear it, no means to tell it such that it might have been understood or even believed.

2. 'erupted' : that's a violent word. It implies that the giving witness to what occurred was and is a violent act. That telling the truth is a violent act. What would Jesus say of this?

3. 'meltdown' again implies a catastrophe. How can the truth be considered a catastrophe, unless one wishes that the truth be suppressed?

4. "Ireland is fairly unique in scope and scale" : hmmm again, there are number of studies* of the world wide Residential Boarding School systems operated by the Church, set up by State Legislation, that show that the experience in Ireland is unique only in the most insignificant of ways. For example, there are or were no Aboriginal Residential Schools in Ireland. Just Industrial Schools for the poorest people.

It is also true that the sexual abuse of children occurred outside such Institutions, in Churches, Sacristies, Vicarages, Parish Halls, and even in the childrens own homes, and that this abuse was pretty widespread. In every country in the world where the Catholic (and other Religious denominations, to be fair) Church held some Power.

Thus even in the first sentence, the psychology of mitigation reveals itself.

Let me be clear here. This issue is a Societal issue. It is to do with the existence of Hierarchical Power, and the language and culture of violence that Hierarchical Power has always been associated with. While I will not mitigate in any way the responsibility of individuals or Institutions, I will not accept any analysis that stops short of the fullest acknowledgement of the truth of the matter.

The Dominant Cultures that comprise Industrial Civilisation are founded upon the Power to abuse and with that the ability and intent to mask that abuse, rationalise it or suppress awareness of it; be it by propaganda, indoctrination, by intimidation or by violence.

If Christianity - irrespective of what denomination, irrespective of it being evangelical, charismatic, ecclesiatic, had any moral or empathic compass,it would understand that Jesus was born into that same culture and spoke out, directly and with clarity, against that culture.

And the base of that culture's grip is this: the ability to abuse children, be it by gross and extreme acts which survivors are giving witness to or by the more subtle processes of indoctrination, propaganda and grooming which far too many people take as 'normal'.

The vast majority of pre-literate, 'uncivilised', aboriginal societies, which ranged in group size from small family groups to very large settlements, were and are empathic egalitarian societies, where the childs safety, well being and nurturance is paramount. They knew and know that the psychology of the future society is nurtured by how the society relates to and treats it's children, that empathy is the key to all healthy human relationships, and also key to a healthy relationship to the habitat, that empathy is key in an environment that has many variables, as do all natural environments, because empathy is responsive, rather than reactive.

The reactive nature of the Church Hierarchy speaks volumes. The fear that those who are of good heart who live within that Hierarchy must be very great indeed if thay feel they cannot speak out honestly and with passion against the crimes that have been committed within that Institution.

Diramuid Martin has a long, long way to go to meet the demands of empathic honesty. And the Institutions of the Christian Churches, and those of State Governance, even further.

--------------

*Here's a report prepared for the UN back in 1997 which is a brief comparative study of Indigenous Residential Schools operated by the Churches, legislated into being by State Governments, across the world.

Every continent apart from Antartica and the Artic has examples of this system, and in many places in Africa, South America and Asia, the systems and schools are still operating.

'Scope and scale indeed!

Kindest regards

Corneilius

Do what you love, it's Your Gift to Universe