Womb World…

Womb World…

Life in the womb is one of connection, empathy, gifting, receiving, responding, learning and awareness.

The developing child within is deeply, profoundly connected to the mother. They share blood, food, oxygen. The mother excretes the child's metabolic by-products. Cells from the child and cells of the mother dance
together as a whole.

This is the first environment we all experience, and we experience ourselves as connected, part of the whole and we are aware of ourselves and of the living intelligence, the biology of the mother as parts of
a whole. We are aware too, in the womb, of the environment of the mother.

We hear the sounds. We sense the feelings of our mothers. We meet the chemicals of the environment through out mother.

And environmentalist foetus would of course be urging the mother to do everything that is natural and nurturant, and to avoid anything that is un-natural or non-nurturant.

If the Parent or Community or Society is engaged in non-nurturant behaviours, the child has no voice and no real power to suggest changes towards nurturance.

Is there a correlation in the relationship between people and Governments, Environmentalists and Corporation and the dynamics of low or non-nurturant relationships?

The Biology of Empathy





EMPATHY IS INHERENT TO THE NATUAL HUMAN BEING!

If anything we adults need to learn again the natural empathic ways - from our children - because sadly, in this society, for most, we have no recall of the detail of our early years, which translates into lack of empathy for our smallest chidlren, which damages their empathy (unwittingly) because we are fearful when we do not understand, and so we err on the side of control to cover that fear......

Excessive control or lax permissiveness (neglect) is ALWAYS a question of damaged empathy.....

And it is transferred intergenerationally because of this memory gap - for we leanr parenting by how we were parented, and if that experience is forgotten at the conscious level, it remains for it is written into our neural pathways....

Luckily the brain is plastic, and we can learn again the ways of empathy, by being WITH our children, by talking with them as real complete yet small people - we can grow together...

Behaviour is NOT genetic, it is mostly environmental. Random Mutation was adopted due to Empire Logic and Arrogance, as the model of natural change, whereas we now know and can describe change as an interaction, a response, precise and directed, to changes in the habitat, to the signals the environment sends any living organism - be they bacteria (dealig with anti-bacterial pharamceuticals.....) or larger organisms...

This a child treated with respect grows to respect him or herself, and a child treated with disdain grows to feel shame and inadequacy.... though it's not a linear process, and some children respond in doffering ways such that for some they survive harshness, and for others the subtle undermines them.... hence the need for empathy in parenting, to spot those oh so subtle differences and not so subtle differences and take them into account...

Compulsory State Education, a homogenising process, makes this all but impossible, and this deepens that lack of empathy..... Religion destroys it almost totally, for it replaces the childs sense of wonder with and imposed sense..... this is the nature of mental slavery.

This issue runs to the very heart of the State System and Society.

The future will be defined by whether or not these issues are faced up to and dealt with; punishment that is abusive will not help; incarceration of the perpetrators, the spin doctors, the official deniers is a must; full accountability, reparations and the widespread sharing of the information that can help the victims and active support for the victims is a must.

None of us can afford to turn our hearts from these facts....

http://www.birthpsychology.com/


http://www.whatbabieswant.com/

http://www.parentingscience.com/empathy-and-the-brain.html

http://www.alice-miller.com/

http://www.naturalchild.org/


http://www.johntaylorgatto.com/


http://www.holtgws.com/


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poisonous_pedagogy

The Origins of Violence and Hierarchy

Kindest regards

Corneilius

Do what you love, it's Your Gift to Universe

A Primary Skill in Parenting is Empathy.

This piece was written as a comment on 'comment is free' @ The Guardian in response to this article :

The comment was moderated and removed. Here it is in full. For what it's worth.

A primary skill in parenting is empathy.

In a Society that is predicated upon Power Relationships where a power disparity is engineered and maintained between those in Power and those they rule, sensitivity and empathy are often seen as a weaknesses. The ability to manipulate and exploit the vulnerable is seen as a strength.

Empathy for the infant in front of me will depend to some degree upon whether or not I have empathy for myself as an infant, which in turn will be dependent upon how I was treated as a baby, infant, toddler.

This kind of understanding is largely experiential. If we are related to with empathy and sensitivity in infancy, then we are, through that experience, laying down the fundamental behavioural patterns and the physiology and neurology that goes with that experience,  and therefore it tends to persist in later life. It permeates our relationships, and informs how we self regulate our own emotional states. 

If one has no experience of other peoples infants, of being around small children, then the newness of the situation as a parent is quite a challenge. 

It's even more difficult if those 'forgotten' times were in any way adverse.

On top of that, when a parent  has to work full-time plus overtime, whether  a single parent or a couple, if ones income is relatively small, if one are out of work and depressed, if one feels that society is judging you for being out of work, for being relatively poor, if one has Social Services who threaten  rather than offer support, if one's housing is sub-standard, if one lives with a partner who has issues, if you have issues, it's really hard.

And there are many, many people in this state, mostly through no fault of their own.

Poverty is absolutely the result of the concentration of vast wealth in the hands of the few. The rich always blame the poor for being poor. The colonialists always painted the colonised as sub-human. They still do.

The emergence of violence, of hierarchy, of abuse in any society is absolutely linked to the levels of empathy that permeate that society, which in itself is directly linked to the disruption or support of the natural child-mother bonding processes that our biology determines as necessary. Disruption increases the likelihood of dysfunction, support increases the likelihood of well being.

The ACE study shows the clear evidence based links between adverse childhood experiences and later risk behaviour, ill health, addiction and psychological distress.

http://xnet.kp.org/permanentejournal/winter02/goldtolead.html

I was a stressed out parent some 22 years ago, and found myself bullying my children. One day I decided that this had to stop. I sought help, and found it, in the form of a weekly group hosted by a facilitator. 

It was called Parent Link.

It was a co-counselling group, hosted by a facilitator. The group I took part in was 12 women, and myself and my partner. We were the only couple in the group. The others, all mothers, were mostly in relationships and their partners were not seeking help. I found it strange being the only man in the group. The others were very appreciative of my presence, in that it offered hope that more men would participate. They also appreciated that I could cry about my sense of loss regarding the state of my relationship with my children.

There was a lot to learn, and over 13 weeks I learned enough to start the process that has continued ever since.

The first thing I learned was that if I had had ACE's as a child, then it was likely that I would repeat the same patterns, the same controlling behaviours, because that was the unconscious information with which I was operating, in spite of my best intentions, in lieu of accurate information and support.

The next thing I learned helped me to understand that children know what they feel, even infants, and that it requires empathy and some patience to be a healthy carer, to learn how to meet their needs, to read their moods and that it is incredibly frustrating for them when they are unable to communicate and be understood, which is what they are expecting - to be felt, and understood.

I learned how to interrupt my own patterns, to notice when I was becoming irritated and to stop, to relax, and check with the reality of my children's present. I learned that my past had nothing to do with their present. I also learned that some schedules are less important than my children's well-being and that I had to take things at their pace, and that if I wished to be somewhere by a certain time I had to factor in extra time in the preparations, to avoid stressing them out to meet my needs.

These very simple learnings, supported by the group work, over 13 weeks, revolutionised my parenting experience, made life for my children so much better. They helped me end the power relationship dynamic and enter into an empathic relationship.

It also helped me to start the work of dealing with my own past experiences and start to recover.

Better than handbooks is genuine support offered by people who have proven experience, parenting requires time, and the time spent is much more important than the time spent working to pay off a mortgage, to urge forwards a career, to earn enough to have a flatscreen TV the size of a cinema screen or whatever is being touted by the marketers and bankers as the next big thing.

What really concerned me at the time was that there was not one single Government supported programme like the one I was so lucky to have found. Nothing. Zilch.

The question that arose was this : given that this information that was making such a huge impact on my life, on the lives of my children, was known, proven to be effective, had been around for some 20 years why was there nothing like this being offered through any Government or Social Services Programme?

In the end, my answer is this - they don't want to support empathic parenting because it runs counter to their embedded Power Relationships. 

Maybe they just can't see it.

Perhaps it is simply reflexive, perhaps it's psychological myopia, and then again perhaps not. 

Either way it matters greatly to those who are stressed out as parents, because that simple, effective an inexpensive support would make such a huge difference to their lives and the lives of their children.


And for that reason it must matter to anyone concerned with the welfare of Society as a whole.

(Tony Blairs 'evidence' today at the Chilcott Iraq Inquiry is pertinent in that it demonstrates the love of power, the willingness to cause harm and to rationalise that harm. In  a Society predicated on Power Relationships.....)

In the 20 years or so since then I have researched this area and have found nothing at all to counter this answer.

This research paper from 1975 makes this clear.

http://www.violence.de/prescott/bulletin/article.html

If this article makes sense to you, if you feel it, then please share it.

Kindest regards

Corneilius

Do what you love, it's Your Gift to Universe

Parenting tips for the 21st Century...

A few tips on Parenting in the 21st Century….

It’s irrelevant to Healthy Parenting which Century it is…… Natural Parenting is timeless, as it is determined by non linear biological, natural living processes. It is ever present. It is innate. Intrinsic.

It’s important to realise that in these times that all parents are under un-natural stresses brought on by the way of life, that is to say the Societally Mandated practices regarding work, debt, access to shelter, food and land, and power relationships as expressed throughout and promoted by the Dominant Culture. Two jobbing parents. Single Parents out of work? Is that not an oxymoron? Parenting IS work, and is absolutely vital work, and it is also more than work, much more.

 It’s pertinent to Societally Mandated Child Rearing Practices which Century it is… whilst there has been some improvement within the context of civilisations, for all indigenous gatherer hunter communities it would appear that any extended contact with western practices they experienced results in a fundamental undermining of their natural traditions. Thus whilst the west slowly makes progress, it is destroying the existing base of natural parenting  that is held in those communities

http://www.libraryindex.com/pages/1360/Child-Abuse-History-OVERVIEW.html

 It’s a valid exercise, as a parent or parent to be, to review child rearing practices, as a matter of historical interest, to help contextualise where one has entered into that history at birth. 

http://uk.ask.com/wiki/Poisonous_pedagogy

What one has forgotten that one may have learned as a child regards the rules, written and unwritten, and the mores of life held by those who cared for  or ‘reared’ us, we will automatically teach our children, coercively, or most often by manipulation  

Every child has a unique growth path that is biologically determined towards optimum health; spiritually, psychologically, physically and emotionally.

http://www.holtgws.com/learningalltheti.html

Few children in the Dominant Culture ever have their natural biologically determined needs met in full.

http://www.selfishcapitalist.com/affluenza.html

http://uk.ask.com/wiki/Nature_deficit_disorder

Most children in Gatherer-hunter Societies did have their natural biologically determined needs met in full. As nature intends.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/freedom-learn/200907/play-makes-us-human-vi-hunter-gatherers-playful-parenting

Recent research has absolutely proven the case that the natural child needs empathetic parenting for every baseline health measurement known.

http://www.violence.de/flyers/10principles_flyer.pdf

The child’s present is a separate reality to the adults past.

Often the adults past (his or her childhood history) unresolved experiences are directing parts of the adult’s response to the present real time interaction with or of a child in his or her care. This past driven reaction dynamic can be interrupted once one is aware of the possibility of such unconscious reactions generated by past experiences intervening in the present situation and thus colouring it, if not absolutely distorting it.

For example, quite often a parent will experience irrational irritation, or even anger, at a young child over insignificant issues, such as knocking a drink over, or making a mess at a table; the adult might become angry and may ‘decide’ to ‘punish’ or ‘chastise’ the infant (a pointless exercise in that the child will learn nothing other than to fear the parent).


http://aruhea.wordpress.com/2008/02/08/the-emotional-plague-stops-here - this article clear outlines these dynamics 


"To illustrate, a typical process of scripted emotional response may be as follows: stimulus (A innocently switches light on early in the morning, believing B to be awake); B’s reaction (fear; surprise); state of alert; realization that reaction was inappropriate to stimulus; recollection of (or rather subconscious association with) a pattern of similar events in the past, especially in early childhood, which were a source of emotional reactions designed to ward off annoying/malicious intent on the part of a parent, sibling etc.; subliminal transference of such assumed intent onto A; production of the associated emotional reaction; association on the part of A, in turn, of B’s reaction with similar prior events (unfair unpunishment in the absence of intent to harm); emotional counterreaction (anger, outrage, sense of injustice, sense of betrayal); defensive or hostile reaction by B to what is now perceived as or associated with a threat (fight, flight, freezing); situation spirals out of control…"

One of the factors behind the apparent common occurrence of these kinds of behaviours is that as the adult meets his or her own child growing through a phase that the adult had not grown through healthfully, the adult will try to suppress his or her own sense of loss and pain at that missing part, by blocking the child’s development at that precise stage… and by projecting his or her unwanted feelings onto the child  (it might manifest also at an opposite extreme by over reacting in ‘rebellion’ to their own unresolved past with a loss of boundaries, which again can be toxic to the child’s well being, as it sends confused messages to the child)

Children can sense that change towards irritation in the adult far earlier than the adult, and they begin very early to read the adults moods, to focus on the adults moods rather than on them selves, from within, as their centre.  This is the beginning of co-dependency. It is also the basis for later manipulation by State Institutions, towards a person who is less self-directed, more externally driven.

However this ability of children to read the moods of the parent can be used by the parent to help him or her develop interrupts to the older patterns. This I describe as actively LISTENING to the child in front of oneself, and of also having empathy for the child one once was. That child too read the moods of the adults who cared for him or her.

Once this is started it has to be practiced for a while before it becomes second nature, and then, later on un-necessary because empathetic relationships will emerge. It remains a life skill. It also requires that the children are enabled, or permitted to note the mood shifts and indicate when they sense the old patterns rising; at that moment the adult can simply stop, breathe a few deep breaths and begin again, after a gentle rebalancing chat with the child or children, to interact with mutual respect intact.

That respect quickly becomes mutual, supportive and empathetic. And it is that empathy that is crucial to healthy parenting. A parent with empathy for his or her self as a child and especially with regard to all that they lived through, good and bad, will always nurture their children towards their unique optimum state of health by observing who their children really are, and by avoiding projecting forgotten experiences or values or lessons onto their children, they break the old cycles of behaviour. The also liberate themselves from any learned self limiting or dysfunctional behaviour patterns. They therefore improve the habitat for all life.

A people who live by empathy will always avoid the use of power, coercion or intimidating tactics, and have no need for rules as such.

Here is an interesting essay and some good links to follow up on all of the above…. and more, so much more.. always remember that natural parenting that is empathetic is innate to our biology.

http://www.birthpsychology.com/lifebefore/early.html

Kindest regards 

 Corneilius 

 Do what you love, it's your gift to universe

Nurture, Nature and the Joy of Sense.

Nurture, Nature and the Joy of Sensory Acuity.

The core biological function of the adult human being is to nurture the true inherent nature of the natural child so that the natural child lives as a natural expression of life itself, of Earths emergent biology. 

Another way to say this is that the core biological function is to improve and or maintain the natural life sustaining habitat of the natural child, and of all natures children.

Reproduction arises not as a means of passing on, but as the companion of death, the companion of those processes that metabolise materials from one form to another, releasing them so that those materials can be utilised by natural living processes to enhance the fecundity of Earths biology. 

To effectively increase fecundity, earth materials have to be gathered, energy has to be expended, so that metabolic processes can act on those materials. This is what plants do, using the freely available energy of the sun to drive photosynthesis. 

Animals consume some of those materials, as do bacteria, and metabolise those materials as an intrinsic part of their living processes. Animals and bacteria also excrete metabolised materials, as well as providing them on their death and decomposition – a process I refer to as bio-returning.

This process increases the available materials for life for all life.

Trees and squirrels, which we can see, need each other. All need bacteria, who remain invisible to us, to do a huge amount of the work required to metabolise materials from one form to another.

All the senses of the human being are emergent properties, crafted by biology, to enable a high degree of functioning within the paradigm I am describing. 

These senses can be seen to operate at both the cellular level, the organ or organism level and the macro level of the habitat. They are all physical interpretations of electromagnetic frequencies that inhere to the fundamental atomic level.

Photosynthesis is a response to photons, to light and is therefore the primary precursor to the human eye, which also responds to light.

The concept of passing on DNA, of the selfish gene, of inheritance itself, is a concept that emerges from within a society that typically expresses power relationships as opposed to egalitarian relationships. 

It is an expression of Empire. For it is the case that all Emperors wish to pass on what they have ‘achieved’ to others whom they are certain will continue that achievement as a form of narcissistic ‘immortality’….. a form of vanity if you will… 

Empire tends to mould the habitat to meets its own perceived needs above the needs of all others – recognition, the placating of hubris, the placating of an irrational fear of nature, all are processes that leads directly to the desire to dominate nature. And with that to dominate ALL people.

And what is truly insane about this desire to dominate is that it negates the ability to truly sense the Earth and the habitat, and each other, with the awesome sensory abilities that inhere to our biological forms, which are freely and unconditionally given and are indeed of such stunning beauty and exquisite pleasure that they define bliss itself.

Empire has come to the party and missed the point completely and is in the process of ruining the party. 

For ALL concerned. Doh!

Kindest regards 

 Corneilius 

 Do what you love, it's your gift to universe