Showing posts with label systems. Show all posts
Showing posts with label systems. Show all posts

Internalised Values.

I was born in 1959, in Catholic Ireland, a system of Religious and Political control rooted in unresolved trauma.

A PTSD Culture. Intergenerational Trauma describes how children born to traumatised parents grow into that PTSD psychology, because children must as the environment presents.


The 'phrase' : "One must sometimes be cruel to be kind" ..... as opposed to "it is cool to be kind".

 
Having internalised the values of the system into which I was born, (as is 'normal' ) I adjusted to shame, I became guilt ridden, fearful, grasping, envious, angry, spiteful; I behaved like a bully and tried to exercise control over those 'close to me' on a minute by minute basis to meet my unresolved need, the need for self empathy, a need I did not understand.

Thus it was a need I could not meet. 


I tried to 'fit in'. I wanted to 'survive'.

The concept of 'thriving' was unknown to me.
 
Because in internalising those values I became less human, less humane. I learned to mimic love whilst feeling only fear, whilst burying the fear..... 

I carried off the illusion by 'being nice', by conforming, even though I had a ferocious temper, an irrational spark that ignited from time to time.

I became firstly religious, then ideological.. Then I became a technocrat, and even an 'atheist'.

All the while I rejected any exposure of this internalisation, accidental or intentional, as an attack on my very psyche.

I ran from love because I could not love myself. I could not love myself because those who had 'reared' me could not provide a living example of what they themselves did not know. Self empathy.

What love I thought I felt was in reality an insecure attachment to a projected image, a fantasy I nurtured within which was mirrored in the fantasies, stories and mythology of the system into which I was born. I adapted and adjusted.

I bought the products, I read the novels, I watched the movies. These reinforced the internalisations of the system. I thought I was safe.

Then I broke down. I did not understand why I broke down and thus was frightened, terrorised by my own need to grow more human, more humane.

I broke down a number of times before I was able to start finding myself, through understanding what had happened to me as a child, and how I had reacted to that, how I 'adapted' unconsciously to 'survive', to 'fit in'.

It took a long time, with many pitfalls and many tears, many nightmares and many dead ends, to examine what I had internalised and to let those internalisations fall away, to die to the system, to compost my trauma, to begin to nurture my own present, and my children's present, my own future and the futures of my children and their children in turn.

I did not do this by challenging the system, by protesting, though these are indeed necessary actions. Quite often my protest was incoherent, my challenges based on 'morality' rather than insight.

Fracking is inhumane.

Fracking is a symptom of a disease state.

Fracking is all about profit and power as substitutes and toxic mimes for being truly human, being truly alive; a toxic mime of natural self mastery.

'Progress' is a toxic mime of nurturing life. Civilisation is a toxic mime of the fecundity of the natural world.

The frackers are dehumanised people. To end fracking they must be exposed, somehow, to a humanising experience, largely of their own choosing. An aware choice is the only means to break free from the dehumanising situation they are in.

Protesting is a first step in that direction, it is an invitation to become more human. It is a gift.

The toxic mime of self mastery that is 'progress' involves mastering others through coercion. This is what war is all about. This is what teachers are taught as teaching. Policemen as policing. Politicians as Governance. Priests as Spirituality. Coercion can be psychological as much as physical.

The pathological will always ignore the costs others pay for the pathological behaviour in order to protect themselves from full awareness of themselves, to preserve the illusion they live within. I did. For a long time.

The system will not change voluntarily because it IS a system, an unconsciously built construct, a box, a thing which has no real life, that is not truly living for it cannot nurture the world which it fears, and tries to control. It will not respond to protest other than to broker a deal for it's own survival, and it's reactions are lethal.

Iraq, Libya, Egypt. All in the name of 'democracy'. The War on Terror, the War on Drugs. All in the name of protecting the people. Lies. Santa Claus.

The necessary lies of those who have internalised the values of the system. The Daily Mail. The Vatican. Myself.

When I lied to myself I was trapped. When I let the truth in, my escape was made more likely, though not inevitable.


Kindest regards

Corneilius

Do what you love, it's Your Gift to Universe

Institutional ‘care’ is abusive in it’s current form : that is the reality.

Institutional ‘care’ is abusive in it’s current form : that is the reality.

Workers within State, Church, and within Private Care systems (which are businesses first and foremost) know this. Most ignore it, and carry on doing their job. These are tough times, and there are tougher times ahead. It is true that this work is not easy, yet it is also true that the Institutional Systems do NOT make that workk any easier, for patients or the workers.

Top heavy with Administrative Management, driven by 19th Century perspectives and attitudes towards psychological distress, those who ‘receive’ that care know it too. And they frequently tell those who are ‘caring for them’ this. 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00pccch - Gerry Robinson on Elderly Care Homes
http://news.bbc.co.uk/panorama/hi/front_page/newsid_9053000/9053378.stm - one story of a boy called Conor

The management and workers, for the most part, take this is further ‘evidence’ of the ‘illness’ of those in their care. How dare they criticise those whose daily work is to take ‘care’ of them, this, of course, drives the ‘clients’ into further depths of retreat from the world around them.

Billions of Pounds. Dollars, Euros, Yen and Rupees are spent every year on these systems of care, and a large percentage of those funds are taken off as profits by the suppliers to this vast Industry.

The ward workers, that is those who ‘work’ with the patients, the recipients of care, are typically the least trained and the least well paid.

Those with ‘careers’ with the care systems are psychologically trained as ‘teams’ of mutually supportive people engaged in a difficult yet necessary job; and the fundamental rule of the team is to support the team. Always support the team. Only constructive criticism is allowed. This is what they are taught from day one.

Critical analysis is impossible in such an environment that does not take the criticisms of those who are receiving the care provided.

This translates into being told that any critical analysis that might arise from within the team, no matter how well explained or justified, is ‘negative’ in that it is not supporting the team. “You are being negative. You are breaking the team!”

“Whose side are you on?”

No mention of the non-team on the other non-side, the recipients of the ‘care’ the ‘team’ is supposedly ‘providing’. No real advocacy for those real human beings, as vulnerable people in an invulnerable system.

No mention of the now widely known and well understood dynamics of intergenerational distress and abuse that lead to severe breakdowns of a persons psyche. No mention of the feelings and sensing’s of those who are so troubled by these dynamics, through no fault of their own, and who do not ‘fit in’, who give the lie to the illusion of Society and it’s assumed beneficence.

Psychological Distress is not a life choice.

Blame is not an appropriate word to assign to those whose natural response ability has, for whatever reason, broken down. Control is not an appropriate response to the presence of people whose psychological distress is evident.

Lacking in real empathy, administering more control than care, the systems of ‘care’ as they currently exist are in reality a deepening of the abuse dynamics that led to the psychological distress in the first place.

And the massive and widespread denial of these facts is akin to the actions and mind-set of The Vatican, as it avoids any calls for true empathic response ability, with regard to the many hundreds of thousands of children who have been abused whilst in it’s ‘care’.



Kindest regards

Corneilius 

Do what you love, it's your gift to universe 


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