Here's a short talk on the profound affects of our experience in utero, at birth and in early infancy.....
I was conceived by two parents who had a variety of serious issues emanating from their own experiences. My mother had MS, had lost 4 children before I was born. I was born premature by one month, by caesarian birth. I spent 6 weeks in an incubator.
I know my mother loved me. I know she was very stressed. My father was an alcoholic.
The experiences I lived through did set up patterns that I was able to fully acknowledge only in my late 30's.
My own child was wanted by both her mother and father. She was born at home, supported by midwives and her mother used a birth pool. At the time we both loved each other, even though we had our issues. Her mother had a child, a boy, some 5 years earlier. I became his step-father.
In my relationship with him, my parenting patterns emerged and I managed, eventually, to begin to see these and to deal with some of them over the next four years we were together.
We separated, and though it was difficult at the time, I see now that it was the correct thing to do. I spent the next 12 years slowing working on my own unresolved issues, for my own health and well being.
In fact that work continues, and I don't see an end to that work. Nonetheless over the years I have become more at self empathic and at ease with who I am, and what I lived through, to the extent that I no longer 'blame' those who harmed me because I see their lives in context of what they and their parents went through. I still hold certain people accountable for some of the things they did to me. That is appropriate, I feel, because it helps me to be realistic about certain facts.
The primary fact is this : we are born into a Society we did not create, and in my case, a Hierarchically Violent Society, that mediated Power throughout peoples lives in many adverse ways which they could not counter.
I was born to a well-off Irish middle class family in 1959. The profound psychologically adverse affects of the Christian concepts related to Original Sin, Sexuality and Obedience to Authority, overlayed with 800 years of intense strife and oppression,with two civil wars and world wars in living memory, do not vanish overnight, nor even in the passage of one generation, 30 years or so. The process of recovery takes time.
There are ways to nurture that process. These resources are ways in which we can, each of us, nurture ourselves and in some ways heal from any adverse experience we may have lived through.
Understanding one's earliest experiences, and where one was born into in an historical timeline - the context of our parents lives, and their parents before them, in the Society there were living in - are important resources in this work. There are many others, and this blog refers to those resources on a regular basis.
As Stephen Harrod Buhner writes, "It helps if you become your own best friend and find out what is true about all this for yourself."
Do what you love, it's Your Gift to Universe